Signs throughout the Bronx Zoo promise its visitors public telephones in a number of locations. Lies, all of them. There are no payphones anywhere at the Bronx Zoo, contrary to signs like this one which promises a payphone at section B5, aka the Dancing Crane Plaza.

I did not have time to case the entire place. On account of that I thought there might be some possibility that a working payphone actually exists at this popular tourist destination and that I simply did not have time to find it. Alas, an inquiry sent to the Wildlife Conservation Society’s “Guest Relations” e-mail received a prompt and courteous response: “We did remove all of our public telephones with the need for them decreasing.”

The need for payphones has certainly decreased but I’m surprised that the WCS concluded it had been completely eliminated. As a world-class destination for tourists from throughout the world I am surprised that no consideration was given to that class of traveler who chooses to leave their cell phone at home. Tourist meccas such as the Bronx Zoo are among the few places one might realistically expect at least one public telephone to be available and in service.

The zoo’s printed map, to its credit, contains no icons or indications that payphones can be found anywhere on the grounds.

Having routed out its payphones the zoo nevertheless decided to retain this curiosity. A vintage Western Electric “Emergency Telephone” located way at the end of Astor Court outside the Admin. East building.

After spotting this I wished I had kept my eyes open for this style of phone earlier, as there may be others. I see no reference to emergency telephones on the zoo’s official map. I did not pick up this phone, as I had no emergency to report, but in the unlikely event that this device actually worked I did not want to needlessly summon emergency responders.

I would understand if this relic was being kept around as a museum piece, but if the WCS went to the trouble of removing functional public telephones why did they not remove this old thing as well?

I find zoos depressing. They are like luxury prisons for animals. I am hardly alone in that assessment. I have, however, been to the Bronx Zoo one other time, in 2009. Back then I think there were 8 Verizon payphones at the zoo. I got pictures of 4 of them. Here they are, for old time’s sake, along with a turtle just for the hell of it: